There are moments in life where we hide who we really are. Whether it's because we feel guilty, or we are completely taken over by other people's expectations, I think we all deal with it in one way or another. As a mom, I am constantly worrying about whether I am making the right decisions or acting the way I “should” be. I'm disappointed because I am not doing what other moms are doing – sometimes I get my son a hamburger and fries from zips, and let him eat a licorice beforehand, I leave the clothes in the washer for WAY too long, my arms are covered in tattoos, and I work full time instead of staying home with my son. With a world full of people who think they know best, and a world that seems to trap us into the same molds, the one thing we must do is differentiate between who we “SHOULD” be and who we ACTUALLY are.

I went into a local gift store (Boo Radley's)  the other day to find a planner to help organize my crazy life, and as I was searching the bookshelf a journal caught my eye. On the front cover it said “I Gotta Be Me.” After reading the front cover, and flipping through the pages filled with inspirational quotes, I thought to myself “This is exactly how I feel.” The words on the front cover completely changed my way of thinking and made me realize these emotions and feelings of disappointment are completely useless.

“A journal to document who I truly am in my heart of hearts now that I'm well on my way to releasing the shame-inducing shackles of others' unevolved molds and expectations, which isn't so easy with families who think they know best and a world that squishes us into the same little school chairs, but one of the glories of adulthood, real or impending, is differentiating between who we “should” be and who we actually are, whether that means excavating an inner child, wearing purple, piercing something, or putting the “me” in “memoir”.”

When I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited to be a mom. I was going to be that mom that made her little boy all natural baby food in the baby bullet, a mom who would never let her son eat inappropriate things, had a clean and spotless home, and I would make dinner and do the dishes in my expensive gap pumps. All of these things that I was hoping and wanting to do, were purely what I thought I “should” be doing – a pretty and organized mold of what I thought a mom should be like. Where did these thoughts come from? How did I get to that point where I thought I had to be all of these things? In reality, this is not who I am. My house is not always spotless, most of the time the floor is covered with toys that I constantly trip over, I have never used a baby bullet, and you will always find me making dinner and doing the dishes in my sweat pants and a bath robe. At times, this made me feel guilty, disappointed in myself, and embarrassed.

Even this blog makes me feel guilty sometimes. I know what a lot of people out there is thinking. I have gotten comments that suggest I should be spending more time with my son, rather than writing on some stupid laptop. As my son sits next to me right now, coloring in his animal coloring book, and me stopping to help him color in the lines, I realized that a lot of people only think this because they don't see what happens behind the scenes. This blog is a part of who I am, and who I want to be. It does not change who I am as a mom, nor does it make me a bad mom. My mom-in-law Eileen, is a big part of why I am able to have this blog. She is so involved in James' life, and her desire to spend time with her grandson, allows me some down time to pursue what makes me happy – and that's blogging. I have a husband who supports me completely, that makes me blessed, it does not make me an absent parent. What I am learning is that people's' expectations of me, are just that, they are expectations, they don't determine who I ACTUALLY am.

We are allowed to put the “me” in “memoir”, and we should be able to do it without feeling ashamed. To celebrate this, I am doing my first ever Instagram giveaway! I love this journal so much, I wanted to share it with one of my readers. Here is how to enter the giveaway:

|{GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED}| CONGRATS TO @creepycrystal!!!!

I Gotta Be Me Instagram Giveaway
Starting on 4/27/16 (8am PST) – Ending on 4/29/16 (10pm PST)

1. Go to my Instagram
2. Follow @thebudgetmom & @boo_radleys_spokane
3. Like the giveaway picture & tag one friend you love for who they ACTUALLY are
4. To better your chances of winning, you can tag multiple friends, please limit one tag per comment
5. For an additional entry, follow me on Facebook

For all of my local followers in Spokane, WA – if you are interested in buying this journal you can find it at Boo Radley's. They have some amazing gift ideas, and have some great inspirational books.

Boo Radley's
232 N. Howard St
Spokane, WA 99201
Tel: (509)456-7479
Hours:
Monday through Saturday 10:00 am to 7:00 pm
Sunday 12:00 am – 5:00 pm